Banger today Jack. I’m in my late 20s and everyone around me (including myself) is going through the same thing. It’s like life has become all about setting up your 30s and 40s for success.
I enjoy reading your essays ( you may note by my word choice that I am older. A lot older!). But I want to make a point: you can restart and change gears in career almost at any age in these United States. You are not “ locked and loaded” except by your own imagination. There are many a story of becoming a teacher, lawyer, doctor, leaving a lucrative career or simply changing direction from every decade of life. Sure, I wouldn’t want to start a 8 year training program at 50. But I know people have. Step back. Look around and find meaningful work or find meaning in your work. You spend a lot of your life involved in it.
Mmm…. I felt a lot of the stress and pressure to “live up to my potential” too - I was also an overachiever and accolade collector (with a Master’s degree from Oxford etc).
But honestly, as forty starts to slide into view, it all starts to seem a little silly.
There is nothing to figure out. The pressure to “figure it out” is a sort of societal anxiety, but that’s all it is - anxiety. This is clear to me now.
I spent so long worrying about finding my purpose and fulfilling my potential that I didn’t allow myself to be.
Realising that the ‘enoughness’ I was looking for through achievements and accomplishments - that it would never make me feel whole - released me from all the grasping.
And suddenly, I can just be. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. Caring less about potentials and results and people’s opinions is one of the true joys of getting older.
I love this. As someone in the "ambitious-but-uncertain 24-year-old, not knowing what they want to do with their life" category, I resonated deeply with the thoughts and emotions you encountered on your path.
I am currently facing the dilemma between pursuing a quantitative path or a creative one. It is hard trying to pin-down which avenue I would like to commit to. Unfortunately, my creative interests do not fit as neatly together as yours seemed to. Did you find yourself having to sacrifice the creative exploration in writing as a result of trying to blend it with the finance persona?
Cheers to you for giving me a little bit of perspective and more importantly, assurance that it will all figure itself out with a little bit of gumption.
Nice one Jack. A spoiler alert from nearly two decades ahead... You might change your mind and direction a few times yet. But that's part of the adventure. We'd be bored if we didn't grow (I remind myself of this often!).
"But as you approach 30, people quit caring about your potential (or, at least, it certainly feels that way), and they want to see what you’ve done with it."
Shifting from being judged on potential to being judged on results is going from being a boy to being a man.
Being judged on results seems more daunting, but I much prefer the "results game" than the "potential game".
Potential is always in the eye of the beholder, and no bank would accept a deposit denominated in potential. But results are far more objective.
Results are harder (you actually need to be able to deliver) and take longer to achieve than potential, but its fruits are so much more worthwhile.
Definitely agree with this. My "uh, okay, this isn't what I want to do" career paths in my 20s helped get me to a freelancing marketing/sales career I now love in my early 30s.
At 23, I feel this dull, aching pressure to capitalize on my potential and dreams before I turn 30. Even I know that this introduces (largely) unnecessary and unproductive time pressure into my life. My worry is that as I get older, my short-term desires will become further estranged from the dreams and aspirations I had as a young adult. And I trust dreams of my younger self than the one adulterated by years of corporate work.
Great article, I resonate with it so much . The FOMO especially hits me when I see people around me ‘find their thing’ , and bloom in their respective places.
But it also makes me wonder if this an only privilege person problem (aka first world problem). When I look at insurance accountants, and underwriting agents around, I can’t help but assume that they aren’t really passionate about this craft but really fake their enthusiasm at doing it and do a great job at it for years on.
Somebody once told me you have an artists soul for wanting to seek your own mould, but then somebody else also told me - When there’s no food on the table, your only passion becomes putting food on the table.
So I’m somewhere struggling between the urgency of finding the ‘fit’ or just being grateful for what I have - and sticking with it.
Banger today Jack. I’m in my late 20s and everyone around me (including myself) is going through the same thing. It’s like life has become all about setting up your 30s and 40s for success.
I enjoy reading your essays ( you may note by my word choice that I am older. A lot older!). But I want to make a point: you can restart and change gears in career almost at any age in these United States. You are not “ locked and loaded” except by your own imagination. There are many a story of becoming a teacher, lawyer, doctor, leaving a lucrative career or simply changing direction from every decade of life. Sure, I wouldn’t want to start a 8 year training program at 50. But I know people have. Step back. Look around and find meaningful work or find meaning in your work. You spend a lot of your life involved in it.
This one spoke to me - the fear of not capitalizing on one’s potential is a very real one
I’m 26 and this is so real. A great quote that I heard a few months ago is: you don’t want to lie in your pillow and think “what if…?”
Mmm…. I felt a lot of the stress and pressure to “live up to my potential” too - I was also an overachiever and accolade collector (with a Master’s degree from Oxford etc).
But honestly, as forty starts to slide into view, it all starts to seem a little silly.
There is nothing to figure out. The pressure to “figure it out” is a sort of societal anxiety, but that’s all it is - anxiety. This is clear to me now.
I spent so long worrying about finding my purpose and fulfilling my potential that I didn’t allow myself to be.
Realising that the ‘enoughness’ I was looking for through achievements and accomplishments - that it would never make me feel whole - released me from all the grasping.
And suddenly, I can just be. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. Caring less about potentials and results and people’s opinions is one of the true joys of getting older.
And that is freedom. It really is.
Thanks for vocalizing exactly what I (and many others) are feeling in the period of our lives
I love this. As someone in the "ambitious-but-uncertain 24-year-old, not knowing what they want to do with their life" category, I resonated deeply with the thoughts and emotions you encountered on your path.
I am currently facing the dilemma between pursuing a quantitative path or a creative one. It is hard trying to pin-down which avenue I would like to commit to. Unfortunately, my creative interests do not fit as neatly together as yours seemed to. Did you find yourself having to sacrifice the creative exploration in writing as a result of trying to blend it with the finance persona?
Cheers to you for giving me a little bit of perspective and more importantly, assurance that it will all figure itself out with a little bit of gumption.
Great piece Jack. I think about this topic often. In your 20's you have a fear of "not figuring it out by 30."
If you do "figure it out" by 30, in your 30's you have a fear of losing all you've created.
I'm 34. Understanding how young we are helps mitigate those fears and helps us focus on the opportunities in front of us.
Thank you for this Jack. It indeed help me big.
Nice one Jack. A spoiler alert from nearly two decades ahead... You might change your mind and direction a few times yet. But that's part of the adventure. We'd be bored if we didn't grow (I remind myself of this often!).
"But as you approach 30, people quit caring about your potential (or, at least, it certainly feels that way), and they want to see what you’ve done with it."
Shifting from being judged on potential to being judged on results is going from being a boy to being a man.
Being judged on results seems more daunting, but I much prefer the "results game" than the "potential game".
Potential is always in the eye of the beholder, and no bank would accept a deposit denominated in potential. But results are far more objective.
Results are harder (you actually need to be able to deliver) and take longer to achieve than potential, but its fruits are so much more worthwhile.
Definitely agree with this. My "uh, okay, this isn't what I want to do" career paths in my 20s helped get me to a freelancing marketing/sales career I now love in my early 30s.
Bars per usual, Jack. I’m 30 and am feeling incredibly “stuck” in my career. Appreciate your willingness and ability to put it into words.
At 23, I feel this dull, aching pressure to capitalize on my potential and dreams before I turn 30. Even I know that this introduces (largely) unnecessary and unproductive time pressure into my life. My worry is that as I get older, my short-term desires will become further estranged from the dreams and aspirations I had as a young adult. And I trust dreams of my younger self than the one adulterated by years of corporate work.
Great article, I resonate with it so much . The FOMO especially hits me when I see people around me ‘find their thing’ , and bloom in their respective places.
But it also makes me wonder if this an only privilege person problem (aka first world problem). When I look at insurance accountants, and underwriting agents around, I can’t help but assume that they aren’t really passionate about this craft but really fake their enthusiasm at doing it and do a great job at it for years on.
Somebody once told me you have an artists soul for wanting to seek your own mould, but then somebody else also told me - When there’s no food on the table, your only passion becomes putting food on the table.
So I’m somewhere struggling between the urgency of finding the ‘fit’ or just being grateful for what I have - and sticking with it.
Happy Friday!
When people stop saying “you could be…” and start on “you could have been…”
I also like the old "do what would make your 8 or your 80-year-old self proud". Always seems to reset the internal compass.
This was much needed Jack, nice work!